Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
