told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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