The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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