For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
