You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
