I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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