i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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