Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
