im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
