I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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