Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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