DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
