Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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