It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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