Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
