It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
