you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
