Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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