mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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