We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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