I'm lost and stupid without you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
