Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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