It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
