Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
