i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
