WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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