happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
