end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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