i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
