VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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