I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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