Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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