Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
