A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize