Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
