I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize