Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You may now shotgun with the bride
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
