Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
