i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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