Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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