I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
