I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
