I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
