I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize