they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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