his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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