Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize