I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize