It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
