Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize