Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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