i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Farmville is her only friend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
