scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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