I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
