well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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