Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
