I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
