why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
