i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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