Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
