I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
