So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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